“I repent of living like I deserve anything”

Every single day I hear the same words from the same person at work.

Deserve. Owed. Entitled. 

The list goes on, but you get the idea.

So much of American culture is wrapped into the idea that we are owed the things we want. The American dream is what we were promised and we should get every bit of it. When we see injustice we want it corrected instantly.

Some of this is of great good. It creates people passionate about the rights of others. People fighting for the end of abuse, slavery, poverty. We see that others basic need are not meant and we want that injustice to end.

Some of this is of no good. These ideas can also lead to thinking we’re owed every pleasure. We’re owed more vacation time,  more money,  more freedom. You get the idea.

As an American I live one of the most privileged lives and yet I can be tempted to think I deserve more. I deserve better. How false. How easy these lies are to believe. I work hard to reject this notion both in my thought and my actions.

I know I am owed very little. Yet, I have been blessed with riches beyond compare. Yes, the work is hard and the days are long, but great mercy has been bestowed to me.

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California/ Florida

California is growing on me.

It’s perfect weather. The mountains. The sea. It’s beautiful. It’s endless places to explore and see. It’s people, nice and charming. (Unlike what some have told me – I have not had bad experiences with Californians, unless they’re driving. Crazy.)

California is tearing me a part.

I miss my friends in Tallahassee so much. I miss weekends with family. I miss the comfort of small town life. (I do not miss the humidity.)

Life will never be the same again. I will always been conflicted. In fact, it will likely keep growing as we move and change. I’ll be split between more places and more people.

What I do know is this: California has been a huge blessing to my family and for this I am eternally gratefully, even if by moving here I’ve been torn in two.

Where are you torn between?

Five years from now

A few weeks ago, a woman asked me what I wanted to do five years from now.

I didn’t hesitate with response that I hoped and prayed that five years from now, Lord willing, I would be a mom. To which she replied, “no, what do you want to do with your career.”

I was miffed. She continued, “You’re too smart to be a stay at home mom.”

Then I was pissed. Lots of my friends are stay at home moms and these ladies are some of the hardest working and smartest women I know. These women didn’t stop using their brains when they left the traditional workforce to raise their awesomely hilarious children. I am not currently a stay at home mom, but fear not, friends, I had your back.

As I explained an ounce of my ideas about family, children and the important job of raising them, I longed for that day deeply. I longed for children of my own.

As I explained and the lady sat baffled that a 25 year old today would think about staying at home, I felt an ounce of the pain my friends must feels when they are in these conversations.

I just wanna tell you: You’re smart. You’re making the decision you feel is right for your kids and your family. Don’t let the world tell you otherwise. I love you.

(Now, I know plenty of working moms too. You also rock and I love you. Keep shining.)

Writer’s Block

I’m back! Or at least, I’m trying to be. I haven’t forgotten that I have a blog, but I’ve been stuck without words to say.

My life lately has been quite stressful and I’m afraid I let the stress consume my thoughts, but I need to but a stop to that instantly. I need to practice getting back into writing because it’s good for my soul. I fear I’m a bit rusty, so I hope you’ll bear with me as I find my voice again.

Onward to my first writing practice…