Fighting For Those You Love

I had to have a difficult conversation with someone I love deeply this week. It’s been a long time coming and I’ve done a lot of thinking about it, but that didn’t make it any easier and it didn’t make it go any better.

Sometimes you have to say hard things to the people you care the most about. It isn’t because you want to hurt them and it isn’t because you’re trying to focus on yourself, it’s because you love them and sometimes you just have to confront situations that arise.  It isn’t that you aren’t peaceable, it’s that you desire peace so much that you don’t want the situation to continue to divide you.

Confrontation can be out of love and should be out of love. You have to fight for those you love. Fight for change. Change what you are able and fight and pray and hope that one day God will answer those prayers and that change is possible. I’m hoping and praying that it is today. Today, I don’t know how this particular situation will end and to be honest, I don’t see an end to it, but I know it will come one day and I pray that it is bigger and better than I can imagine.

A life too small

I’ve realized over the last month that I’ve thought of my life to small. Maybe, I’ve always thought of my life as too small. I’m not a risk taker, which may lead to a world and life that is smaller than I should be dreaming.  Not only did I imagine my life in such a small view, I imagined God much smaller in the process.

I’m experiencing things in my new California life that I never dreamed I’d get to experience. As a kid growing up in Orlando, I remember dreaming of a day that I’d go to Disneyland, which now seems strange when you realize how much smaller it is than Disney World. But, last week when I was at Disneyland, I felt the sense that I never thought I’d be there and I’ve been feeling that way a lot lately.

I was sad when I realized we were leaving behind our life in Tallahassee, but now I realize I was sad that I was leaving my comfort and security. But God’s plans were so much better and bigger than I could have ever imagined. I’m learning to embrace the unknown and realize that even if I don’t know where the road is leading that the world on the other side may just be worth the sacrifice.

Waves of Homesickness

I’ve been dealing with some serious waves of homesickness. I had been doing pretty great for a while. Everything in California was starting to feel normal but over the last week or so the waves of homesickness hit me like a ton of bricks.

I think it’s the new realization that not only will I not be able to go home for Christmas, but basically the entire next year or more. I can’t imagine not being home for the holidays. I’ve never not been with at least one of my families on Christmas day. Other holidays don’t bother me, but the idea of not being home for Christmas makes me so sad.

I know it will work out and that Taylor and I will find something fun to do for that day and I’ll get used to having to spend the  holidays and every other day on the West Coast. I guess these kinds of major life changes take time to adjust into and that given our life plans this change was inevitable.

I’ve been missing Tallahassee too. It’s still so weird to me that we’re most likely never going back there. I miss all my friends there (and the ones who have already left too). Part of me really hopes that one day we’ll get to go back, but I know that it’s even further away than my next trip to Orlando.

I’m sure the pain of being so far away from friends and family will dull. I am so thankful for all the friends we’ve made here and take comfort in the knowledge that this has been part of my life plan from the beginning.

The 25 List Update: September

I can’t believe this year has gone by so quickly! To read the rest of my 25 list from the start, you can read it here.

3. I started running more and it hasn’t been the easiest, but I’ve got to start back somewhere. I need to figure out my new schedule now that my job has started, but I’m looking forward to getting back into a routine.

7. I’ve been praying lots and I’ve been using my morning routine to incorporate prayer more intentionally. I can see that it’s a better way to start my day.

10. I’ve read a couple of novels this month and I’ve done some research on other books I want to read. I’ve put more books on hold at the world’s worst library. Hopefully another one will come in soon or I might breakdown and buy a novel.

22. I’ve been working on memorizing more scripture. I’m picking short verses for now, but I think I’ll work on selecting a longer passage soon.

Mini goals for the month 

  • I need to figure out how to get more training on photoshop/indesign in California. I need to find an online class or something. I feel like more of these skills might be really important for my new job.
  • I need to run more and build up more stamina. I hope that I’ll get into  a better schedule this month.
  • Study more Spanish is on my list of things to do this month. My spanish book has been staring at me. My goal is to spend an hour a week studying, maybe when Taylor is studying I’ll find time to do the same.

Disneyland!

Before I started my new job, we celebrated at Disneyland – or as I like to call it Disney Lite. I was so looking forward to a whole day with Taylor – celebrating and enjoying all of the wonderful Disney magic and it was so much fun!

Disney, even alternate universe Disneyland, feels a bit like home. Even though everything is a bit different and the castle is so short it actually made Taylor laugh out loud, it is just a comfortable place that reminds me so much of home.

It also reminds me of all of the fun trips I’ve had to Disney World over the years – celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and the all important Cyr family holiday of the Epcot Food and Wine festival. It reminds me of family and of friends (especially you, Fernando) and it makes me miss them all the more. It makes me remember to be so thankful for the last few years and for all of the trips home our closer location allowed and a little sad that we won’t be home for a while. I’m thankful that our new West Coast location has a little bit of home so close though and that we have family members kind enough to send us tickets.

I can’t wait to bridge the two worlds and have a family trip to Disneyland!

Celebrating Faithfulness

God is infinitely greater than I can imagine. His plans are greater than I could ever imagine.

After, applying for 60 jobs in California, I have landed an amazing full-time opportunity. Words can not express my excitement, general overwhelm for what God has done for Taylor and I and amaze at God’s faithfulness to provide for us.

Everything about our move to California has magnified God’s work in our lives and his plan that is way bigger than I could have ever imagined on my own. Left to my own scared devices, I would never have imagined something so big for Taylor and I but I am so glad that we took this huge leap to the West Coast, even if we did have to make some hard choices and some sad goodbyes.

Looking forward to a weekend of celebrating and praising God for his goodness and looking forward to starting my job next week!

One month in

We’ve lived in California an entire month! Crazy.

All in all, it’s been a great month. The first part was a bit rough – getting adjusted, moving/unpacking, dealing with homesickness and loneliness – but I’m definitely starting to get into the swing of things here.

I never thought that a month into our move we would have met so many fun and awesome people. I feel so fortunate to have made so many great friends that have so many of the same interests as we do. It’s been awesome to be welcomed with such hospitality. Who said hospitality was only for the South? (Granted, several of our new friends are Southern transplants too but still plenty of Californian hospitality has been had.)

The hardest part about this month has been the job search. It’s exhausting. I’m praying that it is coming to an end as I have a second interview on Thursday. Prayers are much appreciated. I would really love to land this job – it’s really a great opportunity and it would really allow me to settle in all the more with a more routine schedule and the normalcy of going to work. If it isn’t coming to an end and I do in fact have to keep searching, I’m going to need to find more peace and courage and joy in this season.

This month will start another new normal of Taylor being in school. It’s a little crazy that his classes haven’t started here yet. This schedule will definitely take some time to adjust to, but I know that Taylor is so ready to start. He loves school and I’m so excited for all the new things he’s going to learn (that will be vastly over my head).

Here’s to another month in (mostly) sunny Southern California!