Home is where

Homesickness is a real thing. As I said before, it comes in waves for me and usually when I least expect it. Yesterday, I was mundanely doing dishes when I was gripped with uncontrollable homesickness. It was like a dark cloud of depression set over me and for the next hour all I could do was lie in bed and cry.

I know in time this phase will pass and it will get easier to live so far from all our friends and family, but right now it’s really a struggle. Maybe, it’s because I have very little to look forward to – no coffee dates with friends, no babies to help take care of, no date nights at fun local places and even no work to punctuate my day.  I spend hours on end alone at home and it is wearing so thin and there is no end in sight.

Maybe it’s because, while this doesn’t feel like home yet – it is home. The home I once knew in Tallahassee is over and even though I keep referring to it as “back home” it doesn’t exist anymore. Neither does the home of my childhood, which was gone ages ago.  So, I forge ahead through the clouds of depression and homesickness and discomfort knowing that in the end it will be worth it. In the end, this will feel like home and it will just take some more time to make it so.

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