Love for the Introvert

Last week, I read an article about introverts. As an introvert, I loved this article.

Like this article suggests, there are lots of lies I’ve believed about myself. When you say out loud that  you’re an introvert (or depending on the circles you run in – tell someone your Myers-Briggs identification) the look on a person’s face is more often that not a look of sorrow or pity for you. The idea that the ideal is extroversion is overwhelming in America. The idea that God made me with the flaw of introversion is such an easy lie to believe.

I’m so glad God made us all differently and that introverts are just as good as extroverts in the sight of God and are just as useful in His kingdom.

Also, the idea that because I am an introvert, I don’t like people is so overwhelming and overwhelmingly wrong. I love being around people and I love working with, helping and encouraging people, just because I need some time to recharge doesn’t negate what a joy it is to be in all different types of relationships.  Even as an introvert, I happen to enjoy public speaking (most of the time) and going to parties or other large gatherings.

I hope if you’re reading this and you are an introvert, you don’t buy into these lies but look to your true value and worth and I hope if you’re an extrovert, you learn to love the people in your life who aren’t like you because they were created by God too.

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Fears for the Future

What are you really afraid of? Are you afraid of snakes or spiders or other creepy-crawly things? Are you afraid of public speaking or heights or airplanes?

I’ve been living in my fear a lot this week.

My fear is not so much fear as it is sin in my life that I neglect until it rears its ugly head. My fears all stem from a lack of perceived control. Fears about finances, jobs, stability, the future…. They all stem from me thinking I had control and that veil being slowly torn away.

God knows what I need even when I don’t see it. God knows I was never really in control in the first place.

I’m trying work hard toward repentance in this area. I don’t want to think I’m really in control. I want to know that God has a plan for me and is control of my whole life, even when it feels out of control. God is my provider not me. I can’t do it without him.

In this season, this is such a struggle for me. I want to plan everything, do everything and in turn stress out about every little detail that is unplanned. But I know, I won’t be able to plan everything this time. Things are going to be left undecided. God will supply what is needed. This is my hope.

Trust

I’ve learned so much this week about how little my faith is. Isn’t that sad?

I’m entering a new season when my faith will be tested and I hope strengthened in new ways.

I am frightened now at the prospect of change and all the uncertainty that comes with it.

I am taking comfort in God’s plan in everything and I know this is all I can cling to in these uncertain seasons.

This will not be the last season of uncertainty in my life and it is not the first, but it is a major one nonetheless.

I need to rest more on God and less on my own abilities. Maybe this new season, with all of its uncertainty, is God’s way of telling me to stop my doing and rely on Him fully. I need that. Even though I’m scared, I need this season. God knows that. He’s designed it for my good and for His glory.

May I rest in him more fully and be less fearful/anxiety ridden in the days ahead.

All my hope is in You. All my life is in You. 

*If you think about, pray for me in the season ahead!

The 25 List Update: April

April is flying by! This is a few days late but it has been a crazy few days.

You can read the  lists and other updates here.

1. I haven’t studied any Spanish this month. Boo! But, i have found a new motivation to do so – maybe I’ll find some time, if I’m not spending all my time freaking out.

2. Have yet to do the social media sabbatical – but I’m feeling so overwhelmed that I’m thinking soon may be good.

3. I slacked on running majorly this month, but I have been running more this week and feeling better.

6. I haven’t done much fasting – but I am going to start soon. I really need to point myself toward Christ in the season ahead.

7. I have prayed with more focus and that’s positive. I feel like my whole life is an overwhelming prayer request now.

8. I tried so many delicious foods this  month too and lots of good drinks – mostly in San Francisco. Progress is being made and lots of opportunity on the horizon.

9. We went to San Francisco. We loved it! I relaxed (maybe my last relaxing week for a while) and we took in the sights. It’s a beautiful and fun city. Can’t wait to go back (maybe when Taylor doesn’t have a conference so we can see more).

10. I’ve been reading so much more fiction (at least up until this week when I can hardly focus on anything). A future post to come about all the books I’ve read!

11. “Curb anxiety about the future” This is actually making me laugh now. This is my newly appointed summer goal. Right now, all I have is anxiety that I don’t want.

13. Decorating is on hold until the move! (More on ‘The Move’ later when I have settled my brain) but for now our apartment is nicely decorated.

22. I have been memorizing more scripture and now I’m really focusing on passages that highlight trusting God and God’s provision and timing.

23. I’ve painted a few things this month. Projects like this are definitely on hold now.

24. I’ve worked more on apologies but I still think I have a long way to go.

25. Grad school for me is officially on the back burner.

Mini-Goals for the Month

  • Run more
  • Fast
  • Pray
  • CURB ANXIETY

Some Weekends are Special Treats

Some weekends are just good for your soul.

I hope you had that kind of weekend too.

We had family in town this weekend and it was so much fun. It doesn’t happen nearly enough, even though we only live about 4 hours away from most of our family life just gets in the way. With work schedules, school schedules and all of the rest it’s hard to get a weekend away and it’s so good when we can make it happen.

We spent the weekend laughing, dancing (because we obviously love the Just Dance games,) watching episodes of Arrested Development and getting pumped for the new season and eating good food and drinking tasty libations.

We also celebrated the Sabbath with the baptism of great friend. It’s so exciting to see his new life and his new passion. God is at work.

These are the kind of weekends I love – full of busyness yet relaxing and refreshing. Can’t wait for another one next weekend!

DANCE.

Every day I'm shufflin'.

Every day I’m shufflin’.

Ra- Ra Rasputin!

Ra- Ra Rasputin!

The Start of It All

Another story of past post. You can read them all here.

I moved to Tallahassee only a few short weeks after my trip to Romania. I was still reeling from a bit of culture shock, full of waves of religious excitement that come from monumental moments like that trip and full of anxiety about the future.

I knew I was going to be a full-time missionary. I switched my major to International Affairs and knew that in just four short years my life would finally be on its way overseas.

I was wrong and now I’m so glad I was wrong.

I look back at that year with so much fondness. I had so much fun meeting new people and staying up late.

It was good that my religious high came when it did because it really helped me to pick a church and I ended up in a college ministry and for the first time in my life I really studied theology to try to figure out what I believe as an adult, not as the girl who just went to church with her parents.

I grew in every way. This was really when I started to see myself apart from my parent and from their home in Orlando. It started feeling less and less like home and it’s never really felt the same.

I also met the man I would marry. We met the very first night I lived in Tallahassee. I had been out with a friend and when I got back my roommate had old friends and new friends over in our dorm playing cards (I think). Taylor was one of the new friends that showed up. We had a mutual friend from high school but had not met each other before. From that moment, we were rather inseparable friends. We spent an entire semester pretending that’s all that was going on, but I’m pretty sure everyone around us knew that was false.

More on that in the next installment.

Friends with an FSU Statue

Friends with an FSU Statue

In Westcott Foundation!

In Westcott Foundation!

Work, work, work

I loved reading this article recently. I’d highly recommend it.  It really met me in the state of my life right now – struggling with work.

I often forget to see how God is at work in my work. I need to be reminded of it constantly or else I start to get weighed down by the futility of it all.

I often forget that I am a missionary at my job. The conversations I have with my co-workers shouldn’t be taken lightly, but I don’t really think I’m there for the sole purpose of ministering to these people because God created me for work.

Tim Keller talks about how God created us for work and I fail to see how God created me for this job in this season fairly regularly.

One of the most pressing thing this article reminded me of was this:

“Remember this is only for a season”

I forget this all the time. It feels like this in-between season will never end, but I know it will and like the guy in this article, I might even look back on this time fondly.

Happy Friday!