I have never loved changes. I have never loved surprises (those are just changes you didn’t know about ahead of time). I have never loved moving. I hate goodbyes.
I am too easily able to find my comfortable spot. I make my little plot in life: a job, an apartment, a daily routine, but is this really what I want my life to be? Is it really what it should be?
In this season of waiting to hear back from PhD programs for Taylor, I feel my impending excitement over the possibility of leaving Tallahassee. After almost six (!) years, it feels like it might finally be time to move on.
I also feel my building terror. I feel like it took me at least five years to really get into the groove here. I finally feel like I found my comfortable spot, which I am sure means it’s time to move. To give up the comfort, and to start a new adventure. Maybe this time I’ll actually learn to embrace the adventure and enjoy it.
It is altogether quite possible that we won’t leave at all, that I will spend the next three years, like I spent the last two, in the same little comfortable spot in Tallahassee. But now, unlike two years ago, I know that I’m actually ready for the changes that might be coming. I know that two extra years in Tallahassee brought me much more joy and challenged me more.
I’m ready to find a new spot, even if it is in Tallahassee. I’m ready for more changes for the first time in my life, even if it means moving all the way across the country and even if it’s somewhere I’m not psyched about going.